i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
