So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
