Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
