i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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