Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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