Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
