Kiss
Puke
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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