My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
