Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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