What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
