I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
