she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
