Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
