it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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