i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
