At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize