There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
