im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're so nebulous sometimes
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How does one acquire holy water?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
