fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
