They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
