I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
