I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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