Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
