I skipped work to stalk him.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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