He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
