I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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