Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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