From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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