look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
