im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
