Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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