i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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