wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
