On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So much rum. So many feels.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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