I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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