This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
