How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
