It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
