hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
