If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
