please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
