apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
