Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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