I'm passing your future prison.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
