he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
