I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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