Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
