Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
