She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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