At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
